Sunday was a dark day. It is the closest to death I have experienced and I hope it is the nearest I will at the age of 22. I had a 25 minute seizure episode that saw me rushed to A&E in an ambulance from home. It started as a normal absence seizure but turned into a massive tonic clonic (For info on these I strongly suggest you look at the link down the side rather than making assumptions). I came in and out of the seizure, I had pins and needles down one side of my body and was also seeing rainbow pulsing things (again hard to describe to anyone who doesn’t have epilepsy). It was a very bizarre seizure, like having your brain having an electrical spazz and your body disconnecting and going at all angles. {I remember repeating to the Paramedics ‘ I’m cold’ about 20 times. The paramedics had trouble getting a line into me and had to take turns before they had success, hence my sore arm (lol) }

In fact it kind of feels like you are separated from your self. Yes very existential. Anyway I was pumped full of medicine at the hospital, however this took a while as they were some what stumped by me and were very overworked, however again may I add they were incredibly nice people. May I now add for a moment of light relief that the medical staff are just as cute as those on Greys but 10x more kind and a billion times more on to it. Then I appeared to be getting better and was wheeled into hallway as recuss was needed. Yes I was in recuss. A nurse came along and pulled out the needles out of me and as I was walking out I fainted, lost consciousness on the A&E floor (yes very dramatic am I) and had to be lifted up by medical staff. Went in and out of consciousness, and when I was in, I sometimes spent the time saying hilariously stupid delusional crap to the medical staff, Hence I spent another 2/3 hours being monitored and tested and prodded as the medical staff were totally at a loss as to what was wrong with me. I had needles, patches, monitors, blood tests galore. And it was horrific. I couldn’t sleep and I wanted to, and my poor family was helpless. Things they don’t show you on medical programmes :

  • Hospital beds are incredibly uncomfortable
  • Anxious family members – there was only one seat in my ER room.
  • Having to repeat your story 5 times.
  • The change over of staff at 10pm.
  • Nurses in crocs – never again will i make any rude remarks about crocs – any man who has medicine and picks me up off the floor can wear any type of shoes he wants!
  • The boredom
  • The long long waits for medicine and forms.
  • Having to be taken to the toilet by medical staff and having in to pee into a bucket
  • Children screaming at the top of their lungs
  • Old people speaking in deluded ways .

Anyway Monday too was a dark colour, navy blue, it was like living a nightmare I had very little strength and was very tired and incredibly afraid I was going to end up in hospital again, Even though I had had 10 hours sleep after being let out of hospital at midnight. Tuesday was similar but a bit better as I managed to finish my BCNZ essay. Today I am getting back to normal. However I have a new perspective on life, that only those who have been through something like this can.